acrimoniouslife

reality must have been so mean, yet so real, for the both of us now.

i was hurt, you were hurt, and i know we didn’t want to hurt each other.

things didn’t really work out well, but i know someday, somehow, both of us will be ready to face each other again and be mature to forget this pain that we are feeling right now.

remembering every single moment we had makes my heart so sad, that i end up crying. i tried so hard not to, but i failed…

… and still, im failing..

i still can’t forget how sad i was on the 364th day.

i still can’t forget how stupid i felt upon hearing those words from you…

and now that it’s over…

…i still can’t get over from the fact that WE’re OVER…

*sigh.tears.sigh*

if you think that i have moved on now, well, you are definitely wrong.

ofcourse, i’m still in pain. but i’m fighting real hard to conquer it. a 1-year relationship is not so easy to forget, especially with the person that’s been so perfect to be with the rest of somebody else’s life.

ofcourse, there were regrets. one of those was that we rushed ALOT of things that we should’ve not rushed supposedly. and that was, we didn’t take time to really know each other from the very beginning.

i am sad. because i cannot fulfill the promises i swore to you before, even if i really wanted to…

…because i am not the right one for you.

i am starting over now. it’s been so hard to adjust my life without you. really difficult to live without “die’no” around me to go to caf, to church, to text with, to share with, to cuddle with, and…

… to fall inlove with.

i’m sorry we didn’t make it.

i’m sorry we failed.

thanks for every single thing that you gave me. the little things, the countless memories, and even the limited time and attention that you gave me –everything from you is so well kept and appreciated. i will treasure everything. that’s one thing for sure.

thank you. because if not with you, i will never ever know how it feels like to have a serious relationship and i will never know how much will i love a person that much.

this is reality,

and this pain is its cruelty;

for with every sin, every crap we convey,

there’s this reality that we have to repay.

iloveyou. goodbye.

i ain’t perfect, and neither do anyone of us here in this world are.

i do crimes, i do alot of messy stuff.. but i did stuff like that for myself..

i duno, but i really wana change.. i want transformation for myself..

but the truth is, it is very, very hard.

i tried so much to be a good person, for a person himself..

HE was my life.. coz i changed my life like the way he wanted it to be..

but…i did something..just a piece of being ME..

(S I L E N C E….)

i am speechless. i don’t know how to deal..

but what i know now is.. it’s so hard to love someone so much and not yourself.

i did a mistake.. and it changed like forever…

and to think about somebody else’s mistakes…

isn’t it unfair?

infairness, for the past 7mos of my life, i stopped smoking.. hahaha, (really?) amazing huh..

my term paper is all about smoke.. i always thought that smoking is very evil.. so i forced myself to quit.. but again, infairness, smoking do have positive effects.. can’t believe it? well here are some trivias:

- smoking decrease risks for smokers to accumulate PARKINSON’S disease. it cancels the ejaculation of some watever-u-may-name enzymes in your brain that leads to the said disease.

-smoking decreases risk for ulcer..(ulcer bah? hahaha) it again drains some certain enzymes that is responsible for ulcer..(but later causes COHN’s disease..hahaha)

and of course,

-smoking gives you satisfaction. there’s no doubt about that.. BUT..

indeed, SMOKING KILLS.

it is a fact that smoking decreased the rate of ALZHEIMER’s(not sure of the spelling) disease. but it is not because of the nicotine itself. it is because  smokers live approx. up to 50 years only, while A.disease occurs at ages  70-85. see?

hehehe.. there’s no doubt about it, but smoking is really dangerous to you..

merry christmas smokers!

one thing i describe about myself now: blessed.

i could never ask for more, except for me and my family’s health, as of now. it never crossed in my mind that i’d still have this oppurtunity to live life like how i always wanted to. but here i am now, having a simple yet fulfilling life. everything’s just fine, really. everything falls into its right places.

simply, everything’s almost perfect..

plus, here’s more:

im much happier because of Him..:) He was the blessing; and im the blessed. im eternally happy because God has sent me again a very great surprise–it was Him.:) though i am not so sure to what the future may be for us, but as much as i could, i want Him to feel that he’s a very huge part of my life right now. i just can’t help but to feel so proud that i met him..that i have him..c:

hmm.. guess this’d be right..:D

happy monthsary..anyways..c:

char..

just a thought.. though it’s kinda’ happenin’ in reality to me right now..

hmmm..

you see.. if you have something (or someone) very much nurtured or taken cared (hmm.. not sure of the grammar) of, doesn’t give you back the care and the effort you have spent? it’s like, no matter how tight you hugged a bear, no matter how long, still the bear won’t hug you back.. know what am sayin’?

i just don’t get the point eh.. okay.. this is it..

you gave up everything, you sacrificed alot, you have had enough, you became crazy, you became wasted, you became insane, you turned absurd..

and you cried much… all just for nothing?

uie.. its over.. duh… let’s wake up and face the reality that that person will never ever feel the significance of what you’ve done for himself..but later on, i know, he’ll be missing all the stuff that you have had him.. duh..

Gad, what the fuRck am’a sayin’? duh..

it’s for you, pre.. i think, it’s enough.. i think i can’t endure it.. char..

duh… it’s so unfair.. life is indeed so unfair…

it’s like, they’re all nuts….

PGMA’s famous line "I will not (never) step down" may be a firm basis to stop the "paglilitis" on her to be pushed away on her presidency. But why do the constitution, and the opposition of course, do have to have these rallies, riots, protests, and all the nasty and "embarassing" acts of unpeacefulness be always present everywhere? Will the Philippines be a better Philippines again after doing so? Or even, after pushing PGMA away? will that be an assurance that our country may be able to stand firm again like on late Pres. Marcos’ time did?

i am not saying that I am not an oppositionist, nor would i say that i am a pro-Administration-ist… but , what, tf, i’m saying is that, we will never gonna move on if we keep on fighting for a matter that will never possibly be retrieved. and  i  am  talking about  the money stuff involved.

money is the fruit of all evil. so as PGMA’s ewwy corruptions. tagged as an "evil" as she was, and that is all because of money. but why do we have to keep on fighting for the money? aren’t we fighting for our dignity? where is our morale? is harshness a part of our Pinoy trait?

Philippines is considered now as a harsh and unease country. aren’t we ashamed whenver we hear like this negative comment?

it’s not like, but i guess, they’re all nuts…

I am a Filipino. And i am concious of these numerious arguments and citations of these 2 giant tv networks : ABS-CBN and GMA. However, as a citizen, I feel so very ANNOYED and IDIOTized upon hearing sizzling speaches from both parties.

for many reasons, i want to express my thoughts upon this controversy.here are some of those:
-does your ratings change your service to the countrymen?
-does your network become unarmed if you score that low?
-do you really need to televise your "the-hell-we-care" arguments?
  for me, ordinary filipino citizens don’t care to know about their ratings.. because the things that they crave on their tv screens are the updates regarding our world, entertainments, soap operas, etc. and  I don’t think that televising the issue about their ratings is entertaining. instead, it’s pretty DISTURBING.

i don’t speak like a saint in here, but i just want to hear a reasonable reason in televising these intrigues. i know i don’t know much of the story, and i don’t care to know it. I’m expressing this because it bothers me much, much that i feel so DISGUSTED.

i am posting this as a Filipino, not as an ANTAGONIST.

i feel so horrible…i feel like someone or somebody or a "weird-body" is following me for i think, 9 months… and i don’t freakin’ know why… it’s like, somebody’s messing around me, and it kill me..

yesterday afternoon, i stayed @ my crib, resting and internalizing.. i checked out my phone by 4pm (im on my room by that time) and i texted my mom that i couldn’t make to come back to church for some reasons… i went back to slumber, then moments later, i woke up, leaving my fone on my room… i ate my freakin’ merienda on the sala…. by 6pm, i returned to my room… i am devastated… coz my room’s like hell!!! my fone is missing, and why would it be??? i checked the gates and twas lock… so who stole my fone???

hahay… who in the hell is this body who’s following behind me?? my fone is still missing… and to think, i used it only for about 3weeks… fuck… i am so pissed….

june4 : orientation/ primary day

          got some lectures about first aid from our very own 911. then, by the late afternoon, we’ve got a lil’ application, bandage, cpr, etc. kinda amazing, really.. i was least expecting that the trainers do have such sense of humor for they were known as kinda ASTIG… well, they were very good, yeah..

june5 : secondary day

          it was a boring day, for we were with boring people. yah, coz these new set of trainers do lot of talking and talking, uttering words which our "little minds" don’t comprehend.. like that trendelenberg chuva and pneumonic anaxelic or whatsoever.. they assume that we were like them, you know, rescuers in the true sense… well, fortunately, by the afternoon, one of the two trainers during our primary day went to our training session, which made us kinda lingaw..haha.. we applied that cpr again on the dami, where in we have to do some body positions and some assessments that we barely comprehend.. it was kinda tiring…

june6 : final day

          well, we had a lil’ discussion, a lil’ quiz from our lessons for the past 2 days (yeah, am top3, 32/35.. LOL), as in everything that we had taken up.. by the afternoon, we were like "tanga" coz we have to act like the set up on the grounds were true, and it’s like, haay, no comment… and then we performed bandaging with trainer’s situation stated to us, we had ERT, wherein we have to save the casualties in a certain accident and carry them away from the sight (chaka), we have the like USAR (urban search and rescue) event daw, wherein we have to locate the victims, assess them and carry (as in CARRY na karga talga) and treat them with first aids (coz it’s like they were bleeding severly and lossing breath and pulse, like that) and even with our very own resources (like shirts, hankies, and everything).. we also have to perform for the last time the cpr on the real person (joka)..  yeah…

it was a very great experience though.. at least i have known and understood some measures by them that before i don’t understand. well, i’m proud that i learned something… yeahey for myself…

i wish next summer, 911 Emergency Aid and Services will still train us.. i wish, next time, FIRE FIGHTING or COAST GUARDING (ambisyosa ka diane) would be our main theme for the training…

june4 : orientation/ primary day

          got some lectures about first aid from our very own 911. then, by the late afternoon, we’ve got a lil’ application, bandage, cpr, etc. kinda amazing, really.. i was least expecting that the trainers do have such sense of humor for they were known as kinda ASTIG… well, they were very good, yeah..

june5 : secondary day

          it was a boring day, for we were with boring people. yah, coz these new set of trainers do lot of talking and talking, uttering words which our "little minds" don’t comprehend.. like that trendelenberg chuva and pneumonic anaxelic or whatsoever.. they assume that we were like them, you know, rescuers in the true sense… well, fortunately, by the afternoon, one of the two trainers during our primary day went to our training session, which made us kinda lingaw..haha.. we applied that cpr again on the dami, where in we have to do some body positions and some assessments that we barely comprehend.. it was kinda tiring…

june6 : final day

          well, we had a lil’ discussion, a lil’ quiz from our lessons for the past 2 days (yeah, am top3, 32/35.. LOL), as in everything that we had taken up.. by the afternoon, we were like "tanga" coz we have to act like the set up on the grounds were true, and it’s like, haay, no comment… and then we performed bandaging with trainer’s situation stated to us, we had ERT, wherein we have to save the casualties in a certain accident and carry them away from the sight (chaka), we have the like USAR (urban search and rescue) event daw, wherein we have to locate the victims, assess them and carry (as in CARRY na karga talga) and treat them with first aids (coz it’s like they were bleeding severly and lossing breath and pulse, like that) and even with our very own resources (like shirts, hankies, and everything).. we also have to perform for the last time the cpr on the real person (joka)..  yeah…

it was a very great experience though.. at least i have known and understood some measures by them that before i don’t understand. well, i’m proud that i learned something… yeahey for myself…

i wish next summer, 911 Emergency Aid and Services will still train us.. i wish, next time, FIRE FIGHTING or COAST GUARDING (ambisyosa ka diane) would be our main theme for the training…